


Euphoria: Stuck In Despair

by Elsamaren_Mihyun



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Cutting, Depression, F/F, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 11:25:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19197799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsamaren_Mihyun/pseuds/Elsamaren_Mihyun
Summary: eu·pho·ri·a (n.):a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.Euphoria comes from the Greek word, euphoros, meaning borne well, healthy.Mina was euphoric of her like, but she was still stuck in despair... but why?





	1. The Symptoms

It all started when Mina became more and more nervous before stages. The members were all nervous, but Mina had a sense of... failure. A sense of not being enough for her fans. She always stayed late to practice and not noticing she had been there for a long time until the janitor tells her to leave due to it being 3 am. She never was enough for herself. And then came the symptoms. 

First, lack of motivation.  
"Hey, Mina-unnie, do you want to join us for a movie?" Chaeyoung happily jumped to her bandmate. Mina usually said yes, but when she went to say yes-  
"N-No. Not today." Mina didn't bare look at the younger one.  
"Oh. Okay." Chaeyoung rubbed her neck and walked out of the room. Mina placed her hand over her mouth and sighed. But that was just the beginning. Every day, the group wanted to go out, but Mina said 'no'. The group became distance. But when Sana finally decided to talk to Mina, the next stage came.

Hard to make Decisions.  
"Hey Mina, do you want to hang out? We can watch a movie or play games!" Sana was smiley, trying to get her friend to smile.  
"I- uh... no, I mean, yes! We can watch a movie... but a game... I.." Mina stuttered over her words, hair falling down her face.  
"Woah, mina.. calm down." Sana walked over and touched Mina's hands to push the hair out of her face-  
"NO!" Mina pushed Sana back. Sana looked at Mina with guilt.

Then, Irritation by others around them...  
"I-I am..." Mina looked down, "Could you please leave?" Sana left quickly, shutting the door behind her. It made Mina feel guilty...

Next was guilt and low self-esteem. Mina hadn't spoken to anyone or eaten since what happened to Sana the other day. She just stared at herself in the mirror.  
"It's my fault... Sana must hate me. Momo too. They're... everyone is probably upset with me. They hate me..." Mina hated herself, it was just... wrong.\  
Finally, anxiety. They had an upcoming stage, and out of all of the TWICE TV videos, Mina was nowhere. They did their song and after the stage was done, Mina waved and smiled to fans before she froze. Everything became black and white. She began sweating and heavy breathing.  
"You sucked!" "You messed up the choreography." "Your outfit doesn't fit you."  
Mina brokedown on stage, letting her self fall to her knees. Good thing the lights went out before anyone saw anything. Staff ran onstage to grab Mina and take her back to the dorm.

Mina didn't speak to anyone the rest of the night. Managers just let her sleep, which she didn't get any of. She just cried and cried.

Everything was good in Mina's life too. Ray, her dog, was healthy. Her family and friends were healthy. Her fans loved her... but what was going on with her?


	2. The Member's Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains suicidal thoughts, descriptions of abuse to the body (cutting). If you're triggered by that stuff, please do not read this chapter.

Months before this...

"Momo-ya! Stop!" Mina giggled as Momo began tickling her stomach. The two were waiting for Sana to finish her shower. Mina got a new game console, so the three of them wanted to play Mario Kart together.  
"Sana! Hurry up!" Mina yelled, pushing Momo away but being no luck due to the fact Momo was stronger.  
"I am here!" Sana ran in.  
"I am here to save Minari!" Sana screamed and ran over, pushing Momo to the side and laying on top of Mina. Mina just giggled.

The three Japanese members have been close since pre-debut. They all hung out during and after Sixteen. They all left their families to become aspiring singers, something to conversate about. After that, the three had been inseparable. Going out to eat after dance practices, cheering each other on during ISAC, but something seemed different after a few years went by. Mina became... more distance. And the older of the three hated distance. They loved Mina and wanted to know what was wrong. After Mina's freakout when she pushed Sana away, it had been unnoticeable that something was wrong.

"I mean, I didn't do anything wrong, right?" Sana sniffled as she laid on Momo's bed.  
"Yeah yeah. She pushed you, what's so wrong about having some space?" Momo was at her desk, writing.  
"That's the point, Mina hated distance when it was us! She always wanted to be cuddled or kissed! She said she hated it, but I knew she loved it! Something isn't right Momo..." Sana sighed, turning on her phone. The lock screen was a selfie of the three. Momo turned around and scooted her chair over to Sana, holding the phone.  
"Mina will figure it out! She always figures stuff out on her own! We just can't be in her way..." Momo nodded, the two looked at each other and nodded.

 

"I feel like something is wrong with Mina..." Dahyun said out of the blue.  
'What do you mean?" Chaeyoung poked her head from her bunk and looked up. Dahyun looked down.  
"Hasn't she been cut off from everyone lately?" Dahyun sighed, feeling sad for her friend.  
"She was a little... off when she said "no" when you ask if she wanted to hang out." Tzuyu joined the conversation.  
"yeah, but isn't that just... Mina?" Chaeyoung remembered that Mina was always far off from everyone.  
"I mean, yeah. But I am worried." Dahyun nodded. Tzuyu hummed in agreement. Maybe they were right.

 

Mina sits in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. She nodded before locking the door. Mina breathed in and out before pulling up her sleeve. A razor in her right hand. She gulped.  
"Do it. Just kill yourself. No one would notice, right? You're just a filthy-"

A scream before a thud was heard. 

Jihyo was the first to notice. She got up and slowly walked to where she thought the noise was from.  
"Hello?" Jihyo knocked on the door. She felt something wasn't right. She tried to open the door.  
"Hey! open the door!" Jihyo yelled. She felt something touch her foot. Blood.  
"Open the door!" Jihyo yelled, getting everyone's attention.  
"Get the door open, Mina is in there!" Jihyo yelled.  
Jeongyeon ran over to the door before grabbing the doorknob, leaning back then pushing forward, opening the door. The sight in front of them was nothing but horrible.  
Myoui Mina, laid on the floor, blood across the white tile, a razor above her head, her white shirt covered in red, and a cut across her arm.  
"Mina!"

 

"I told you something was wrong! Mina had never been that distant before!" Sana sobbed.  
"I mean... isn't she-"  
"Always that distant, yes! She was! But we should've checked on her!" Dahyun had anger in her voice.  
The band sat in silence, nothing but distant chatter and clicks of people's feet across the floor. The group was disappointed in themselves. How would the fans take it? Would they even know? But most importantly... is Mina okay?

 

"Make sure she doesn't take the bandage off. Don't get near any sharp objects. Keep an eye on her. let her do all of her activities, just always have someone with her... and here are some numbers of a local therapist. I recommend them, Ms. Myoui." The doctor bowed and walked off.  
Sana looked at Mina, she was going to say something but-  
Mina ran over, hugging Sana, "I am so sorry for pushing you."  
"Mina, sweetie, it's okay. It's okay." Sana smiled and hugged the younger one tighter.

 

Nayeon walked to the kitchen, seeing a silent Mina drinking coffee and staring outside the window.  
"Good morning, Mina," Nayeon said, making the younger one jump a bit, but look at Nayeon. Mina hummed and looked back outside.  
"Do you want breakfast?" Nayeon asked, already preparing everything. Mina said nothing and just let Nayeon cook.  
Nayeon cooked bacon and eggs. A normal breakfast. She prepared a plate for Mina and one for herself. She left some for the other members.  
"How'd you sleep?" Nayeon asked. Mina shrugged and slowly ate her food.  
"Okay, a shrug isn't an answer..." Nayeon grinned.  
"Okay," Mina whispered.  
"I'll take that answer." Nayeon smiled.   
Then the two enjoyed a nice breakfast.

**Author's Note:**

> You read the first chapter! Hopefully, you didn't cry ;)  
> Follow my Twitter for some update reminders! @SourTzuwu


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